Home Sweet Home? Advice for Dealing with “Reverse Culture Shock”

There are many resources for au pairs who have just arrived to the US, and are dealing with culture shock.  Culture shock is “the personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life due to immigrating or visiting a new country”.   Summer Blackhurst, Go Au Pair’s Public Relations expert, wrote a series of great articles on the subject recently, including “Culture Shock: The Four Phases”, and “Cultural Adjustment Outcomes“.  I highly recommend that all au pairs and their host families take a few minutes to read these articles as they contain some very intuitive information that may help a new au pair who may be experiencing culture shock as we speak.

But what about au pairs who are finishing up their placement year, or even their second year, and are getting ready to return home?  Surprisingly, they may be experiencing the same type of nervousness about returning to their home surroundings as they did when they first arrived to the US.  What was once familiar, is now foreign to them.

Dr. Lora Cook, founder of the au pair program “Learning to Live Your American Dream”, based out of National Louis University’s Chicago campus, talks about this fascinating issue in one of the sections of the popular program.   “Au pairs usually come to the US expecting to feel culture-shock, but they don’t always go home expecting to experience reverse culture shock,” Dr. Cook told me.  “We like to prepare students by helping them moderate their expectations when they return for either a visit or at the end of their au pair experience.”

Some of the challenges au pairs will face when they re-enter their home environment will be similar to the challenges they faced when they first arrived to the US.

Many au pairs may experience depression when dealing with reverse culture shock.

Believe it or not, language can sometimes be an issue.  When you are immersed in a language and have mastered that language, you start to dream and even think in that language.  If an au pair’s native tongue is not English, she may have a difficult time having a conversation when she returns home.  Finding the appropriate word for an object, for example, might take a few extra seconds because she may need to translate that word in her mind from English.  But, just like mastering English took time, with practice and exposure, those language skills will return.

Getting used to the food again back home may be challenging as well. For the past year, the au pair has become accustomed to American food, restaurants, and large mega-grocery stores.  Spices and available ingredients are probably different and may require getting used to again.  Big city conveniences may not be readily available in the au pair’s home country.  They may feel a sense of frustration by this.

The au pair might expect her relationship with her friends to be the same when she returns home, but may  be disappointed to learn that her friends have moved on.  Maybe they began studying at the university and have made new friends.   Some of her friends may have even gotten married or started a family. Although the au pair has made many new friends, they are probably 1,000’s of miles away in the US or another country.  The au pair has grown and changed as a person as well. She may not have the same interests as her friends.  Feelings of isolation and depression are not uncommon.

The au pair is probably excited about her year abroad and is very happy to tell all of her friends and family about her adventures here in the US.  To her disappointment, she may find that her friends aren’t really interested in hearing about her travels, and may even feel like she is “bragging”.  Feelings of rejection is another common problem for au pairs when they return home.

The Peace Corps, who sends around 4,000 volunteers each year abroad actually has a program to help prepare their volunteers for re-entry into American culture.  In an article published by CNN.com, Jodi Hammer, Coordinator for returned Peace Corps Volunteers, offers some great advice that au pairs should consider:

1.  Be prepared. One of the best ways to avert reverse culture shock is just simply acknowledging that it is real and expected.
2. Share your experiences (with caution). It’s okay to talk about your adventure, but find a way to do so in a way that does not sound pretentious. ( I read an article written by a woman who had spent a year in Thailand on a fellowship.  She has a very unique pair of earrings that she purchased at a local market.  When she wears them, people always ask her where she purchased them, and it gives her the opportunity to tell her story in an unobtrusive way.  )
3. Stay connected.  The internet is a marvelous thing!  It’s very easy for au pairs to stay connected to their international friends when they return home.  Communicating with other former au pairs who may be experiencing some of the same feelings is very helpful.
4. Accept that you’ve changed.  Dr. Cook also offers this advice and added that au pairs should “accept that some of your relationships may be different and you may not be as close to some people as you were before, but just like you developed many new relationships during your time in the US, you can do the same back at home.”

Dr. Cook added one final piece of advice for au pairs.  “Remember that time almost always makes things easier.  So be patient, and you will eventually find your new path back at home just as you did in the US!”

Free Fun Fridays In Greater Boston This Summer!

Thanks to Nemo, Sandy and an assortment of winter storms, it seemed like school here in the Boston area would never end!  But the good news is that school is finally out, and summer has officially begun!  As the kids rejoice, au pairs and host parents everywhere are now wondering, “What can I do to keep these kids entertained this summer without breaking the bank?”

Well, here’s some good news for our au pairs and host families.  Thanks to Highland Street Foundation, an organization committed to addressing the needs and concerns of families with children in MA (and CA), “Free Fun Fridays” is back for the 5th year.

Visit one of The Boston Harbor Islands for free!

What is “Free Fun Fridays?”  Well, starting tomorrow, Friday, June 28th, families can visit one or more of 60 participating venues on Fridays for free! For the next 10 weeks, you’ll be able to choose between 6 venues each week. That’s right…absolutely free admission to museums and other venues.  You will need to refer to the website for specific instructions on how to obtain free admission.  In most cases, tickets or coupons are not required, but you’ll want to check for the specific requirements from each venue before trekking out.

The kids will love the interactive exhibits at the Boston Children’s Museum.

Enjoy popular area attractions like Tanglewood, The Boston Children’s Museum, The Stone Zoo, Boston Harbor Islands, Garden in the Woods, The JFK Library,The USS Constitution, and Plimouth Plantation.  The participating venues are different each week, so check the schedule and start planning now! Free Fun Fridays Schedule. 

Or perhaps a trip to the Stone Zoo?

Looking Back…Reflections from A Former Au Pair

One of the great things that I enjoy about my “job” (I use this term loosely) as the Boston Local Area Representative at Go Au Pair is that I get the opportunity to get to know some amazing people from places in the world that I will probably never see.  I try to get to know each of the au pairs that I counsel, and I think I have learned something from each of them.  Like any good parent, I would never admit that any one of them is my favorite, but there have been a few who have really inspired me.

Yolandie Burger from South Africa certainly falls into that category.  Landie is definitely a unique person.  Prior to becoming an au pair, she was a park ranger in the “Bush”.   Landie has a great love and respect for children and animals.  She is a very smart, determined young woman with a fun but serious way about her.  When she spoke about her host children, she always had a smile on her face and a gleam in her eyes…even when she was telling stories about particular incidents where “her kids” displayed behavior that she  described as “naughty”.  She always spoke of them with love and tenderness.  Landie’s former host family is a lovely couple with three charming young girls and two dogs.  She was their au pair for a year and 1/2.

I thought it would be fun to check in with Landie and see how things were going and possibly get some advice from her that I could share with current au pairs or young people considering the au pair program.   I asked Landie what her favorite memory of life in the USA was, and she said, “Honestly every moment that I spent with my host family was memorable.”   Surely there must be something that stands out? I asked.  ” Okay, if I had to choose I would say our beach outings,”Landie admitted.   “Oh yes! New England was so beautiful and peaceful.   I loved it because it was right by the ocean.” Lucky Landie, her former host family lives in the quintessential seaside town of Duxbury, MA.

Au Pair Landie Enjoying Duxbury, MA

I also asked Landie if there was anything she would change about her experience, and she replied, “Oh boy!  I maybe wouldn’t be so strict (with rules), but other than that, I can’t say I would change a thing because everything that happened, it helped me to grow as a person and I had an unforgettable experience.”

I asked Landie what she is up to now, and how the au pair program has benefited her since she has returned home.  “You could say that the Au Pair program was just one more positive thing in my life that pushed me in the right career path”.  Landie is currently pursuing a 4 year degree in Elementary Education.  

I asked Landie if she is still in touch with her host family.  “I am definitely still in touch with my host family.  I send them birthday cards, emails, letters, and we communicate with Facebook and Skype.”  

Landie’s parting words of advice for current au pairs?  “To the other Au Pairs–experience things, be open minded, explore and don’t give up. Time goes by way too fast, so soak up every moment you have in the USA.  And be good to your host family because just as you can make a wonderful difference in their lives, so they can in yours!  And most of all…GO HAVE FUN!”

Accredited? Credit? Non-credit? What’s The Deal With Au Pair Education Requirments?

I often get questions from both host families and au pairs about the au pair program’s education requirement.  This can be somewhat confusing.  Since this topic has many “confusion points”, I am going to address these questions in multiple blog posts.  Today I’m going to specifically discuss the terms “accredited”, “credit” and  “non-credit” as they pertain to the au pair education requirement.  These words sound similar, but have very different meanings.  (That’s English for you!)

The US Department of State says that sponsors conducting an au pair exchange program (like Go Au Pair)  “shall require that EduCare au pair participants register and attend classes offered by an accredited U.S. post-secondary institution for not less than twelve semester hours of academic credit or its equivalent and that all other au pair participants register and attend classes offered by an accredited U.S. post-secondary institution for not less than six semester hours of academic  credit or its equivalent.”

Let’s start with “accredited”.  An accredited post-secondary institution is a school that has received a “seal of approval” from some agency that has been designated to do so.  In most countries, these “quality assurance” designations are granted by the government.  Interestingly, in the United States, accreditation of post-secondary schools is independent of the government and is performed by private membership associations.  As a result, there are many agencies that offer accreditation.  The Department of State does not specifically state which agency must accredit a school for it to be on the “approved list”.  So what does that mean to an au pair?  Basically as long as the school is accredited by some agency, an au pair may take a course there that will qualify for the Department of State’s requirement.  Courses offered by the local YMCA, public library, some newly-formed schools, and town recreation departments do not typically meet this requirement.  So, how do you know if a school is accredited?  In order to become accredited, a school must complete a lengthy and costly application process. As mentioned before, they do this so that they can get a “seal of approval” from some authority.  If they are accredited, they will likely advertise this fact on their website or program brochures.  Go Au Pair has a list of schools that have already been verified as accredited.  You should have received this list in your welcome packet, you can get this list from your LAR, or by contacting Go Au Pair’s Education Coordinator at educoord@goaupair.com.  If you find a school that is not on the list and you are unsure if the school you want to study at is accredited, be sure to contact educoord@goaupair.com to make sure before paying any money for classes.

The term “credit” in this case has to do with “academic credit”.  When you are attending a college or university and are enrolled in a degree program, you are required to obtain a certain number of “credits’ to earn your degree.  The au pair program does have an educational component, but it is not really an education program.  It is a cultural exchange program.  The intent of this part of the program is so that the au pair can experience life as a young American would.  But they are not here to earn a college degree, only to have a college experience.  EduCare au pairs are required to complete 12 credits, or it’s equivalent, and all other au pairs are required to complete 6 credits.  One class is typically equal to 3 credits.

In addition to traditional classes that qualify for academic credit, many colleges offer “non-credit” classes.  ESL courses are usually offered for non-credit as well as some hobby courses (like photography or art) or professional development courses (like computer software courses).  Au pairs often think that these classes do not qualify for the au pair program, but they do!  A non-credit course just means that the classes will not count towards a degree program. But since au pairs aren’t taking classes to get a college degree, these classes are perfectly acceptable.  Remember, that the Department of State said that au pairs must take “6 credits or it’s equivalent”.  They key here, is “it’s equivalent”.    If you are not sure how many credits a non-credit course is equivalent to, you can figure this out by using this formula: 12 classroom hours= 1 credit.  So, a class that meets one time per week for 3 hours and lasts for 12 weeks would be equal to 3 credits.

3 hours per class x 1 class per week x 12 weeks = 36 hours.  36 hours/12=3 credits!

I hope this clarifies some of the confusion about accreditation and college credits.  Good luck in your pursuit of knowledge.  I hope you will choose a course that is interesting and enlightening!

Boston Area Au Pairs and Families Go Wild at the Roger Williams Park & Zoo

This past Sunday, our Boston area cluster of au pairs and many of their host families got together for a family outing  at the Roger Williams Park & Zoo in Providence, RI.  We were also joined by the Providence area group.   This was a fun-filled day that everyone seemed to enjoy.

We met up around 10:00 am outside the zoo entrance.  We all had to enter as a group so that we could utilize a group discount.  As you can imagine, this required a lot of logistical planning (which is always fun because au pairs are NEVER late!).

We all managed to enter the zoo around 10:20.  “If you run to the other side of the zoo,” the zoo employee told us, “you will make it in time for the ‘bathing of the elephants'”  I’ve been to the Roger Williams Zoo many times, and had never seen that, so this was pretty exciting to me.

Watching the elephants get a bath was very exciting!

Alma and her host family enjoying the zoo.

The Ford family…looking good.

Penguins love to show off.

My son, Jake, on the right with my host family’s son, Daniel.

Pink flamingos…and not the kind in your front yard.

These pink flamingos are sleeping on the job!

There’s a bear…Where? Over there!

Alma and her “little brother”, Moses.

Did you know that a camel’s hump is not filled with water? It’s filled with fat!

Wait for us, kids!

A red panda captured our hearts!

The snow leopard blends in with his surroundings!

The Burton family and their au pair enjoying their picnic.

LAR Joan and her children flying a kite.

Lovely Angeles brought some friends along.

The Zolotars enjoying some quality family time.

Marcela and Ksenia are basking in the sun.

A ride on the carousel is a nice treat after a long day.

This is me relaxing with my son after a long day of fun!

Fun at the Hasbro Playground.

We rushed past the zebras and giraffes and made it just in time for the big event.  I do have to say that it was very interesting seeing these giant creatures enjoying their morning baths.  They very patiently lifted their legs when instructed to do so by the elephant trainer…and obediently laid down for their tummy cleansing.  The children were mesmerized, and I guess I was, too.

We then made our way through the park.  We saw everything from farm animals and tropical birds to a snow leopard, a moon bear and bison.  It was interesting to learn about where the animals came from in various parts of the world.  I think we were particularly more observant of these facts since we had people from so many different parts of the world with us!  Our friend, Kuschke from South Africa, pointed out several animals that roam free in her country.  That was neat!

It takes about 2 hours to walk through the Roger Williams Zoo.  Around 12:45, many of us packed into our cars and drove to the other side of the park where we had a picnic lunch in front of the Temple to Music.  The Temple to Music is a beautiful outdoor structure made of marble, reminiscent of Grecian style architecture.  The Temple overlooks a lake and there is a large grassy field in front of it.  This is a great place to take photos have a picnic!  Everyone brought their own picnic lunch and blanket.  Joan, the Go Au Pair LAR from Providence brought several kites and some bubbles.  The kids were certainly entertained.

After we enjoyed our picnic and conversation, some of us ventured across the street to the Hasbro Boundless Playground, with the grand finale being a ride on the carousel.

Tax Day Is Coming April 15! What Does That Mean To You?

It’s that time of year when I get bombarded with questions from au pairs and host families about their tax returns.  First of all, I just want to remind you that I am not an accountant.  And just as you wouldn’t ask me for medical advice because I’m not a doctor, please  understand that I am not an authority on taxes.

Now, that being said, I am happy to share my knowledge with you, based on my own research and experience as both a LAR and a previous host family. However, I want to caution you that tax laws are subject to change, so I will also show you where you can find the appropriate information on the IRS’s website which you may refer to for the latest, most authoritative answer.

Here are some of the common questions asked by host families and au pairs.

1.  Q: Are au pair wages subject to federal income taxes?  A: Yes, the IRS has determined that the au pair’s stipend is considered wages, and therefore subject to federal income taxes.

2. Q: Does the host family have to withhold federal income taxes and issue a form W-2 to their au pair?  A:  No.  Because the IRS considers the au pair stipend to be ” paid for a domestic service in a private home, they are not subject to mandatory tax withholding and reporting on form 941 and W-2.”  If both the au pair and host family agree to have taxes withheld from the au pair’s weekly stipend, then the host family could collect taxes up front and report them on form W-2.  (This is not common).

3. Q: Does the au pair have to pay estimated quarterly income taxes? A.  No.  Because it is unlikely that an au pair’s tax burden will be more than $1,000, he/she is not typically required to pay estimated quarterly taxes.

4. Q: What form should an au pair complete to file his/her taxes? A: Au pairs typically file form 1040NR-EZ.  (Download Directions.)

5. Q: If the host family doesn’t have to issue form W-2 to the au pair,   how does the au pair know what her  wages were?  A:  If the au pair has not kept a record of wages earned, it is easily calculated by taking the weekly stipend (typically $195.75/week) and multiplying that by the number of weeks the au pair worked in the US in 2012. Enter that amount on line 3 of form 1040NR-EZ.

6. Q: Will the au pair owe money? A:  That depends on when he/she arrived in the US.  Complete the form to determine if money is owed.  Submit the signed form whether money is owed or not.

7.  Q: What will happen to the au pair if he/she does not pay US income taxes? A.  It is my understanding that, if an au pair owes US taxes and does not pay them, it may affect his/her ability to obtain a visa to visit the US in the future.  If the au pair does obtain a visa and has an outstanding tax obligation, he/she may be required to pay the tax bill plus  penalties. (There could be other consequences that I am unaware of.)

8. Q: Are au pair wages subject to social security and medicare tax withholding?  A.  In most cases, au pair wages are not subject to social security and medicare tax withholding because of the au pair’s status as a J-1 nonimmigrant and nonresident alien.  If an au pair was in the US prior to becoming an au pair (other than as a tourist), he/she may be considered a resident alient, and might be subject to social security and medicare tax withholding.  This is very uncommon.  Check here if you think this might apply to you/your au pair: http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Alien-Liability-for-Social-Security-and-Medicare-Taxes-of-Foreign-Teachers,-Foreign-Researchers,-and-Other-Foreign-Professionals

9. Q: Is the fee paid by the host family to Go Au Pair deductible by the host family as a qualified childcare expense?  A.  In my experience, it typically is. (Caution: fees are typically deductible for the tax year that the services were received, not when the fees were paid.  For example, if you paid your fee in December, 2012, but the au pair did not arrive until January, 2013, the fee would be deductible on your 2013 taxes.  Consult a tax professional if you need clarification.)

10. Q: Is the weekly stipend paid to the au pair deductible by the host family as a qualified childcare expense? A.  In my experience, it typically is.  (Childcare expenses are usually deductible as long as childcare was provided while both host parents were at work or looking for work.)

These are the most common questions asked by au pairs and host families.  Please refer to the IRS website, or consult a tax professional before filing your taxes.

Here is a link to the page on the IRS website that explains most of this information:  http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Au-Pairs.

If you would like to contact the IRS for telephone assistance, you can find the number here: http://www.irs.gov/uac/Telephone-Assistance.

April Is Autism Awareness Month!

Did you know that April is National Autism Awareness Month here in the United States?

Autism is a developmental disability that affects a person’s ability to communicate and interact with others.  The symptoms usually show up in the first 3 years of life.  About 1 in 88 births in the US result in a diagnosis of autism. Although girls can have autism, the disability is more common in boys.

If you are a parent or an au pair caring for a young child, you should know what the “red flags” or possible warning signs are.  According to the Autism Society, these 5 behaviors could indicate that an evaluation is needed:

1.  Does not babble or coo by 12 months old.

2. Does not gesture (point, wave, grab) by 12 months old.

3. Does not say single words by 16 months old.

4. Does not say 2-word phrases on his or her own by 24 months old.

5. Has any loss of language or social skills at any age.

These behaviors do not mean that a child has autism.  But they are symptoms of the disorder, so if you notice them, you should speak to your host family about your concern. The child must be evaluated by a team of professionals before a diagnosis can be made.

Some signs to look for in older children include:

1. Lack of or delay in spoken language.

2. Repetitive use of language or mannerisms

3. Little or no eye contact

4. Lack of interest in peer relationships

5. Lack of spontaneous or make believe play

6. Fixation on parts of objects

Although there is no cure for autism, early detection is very important.  Children who are diagnosed early and receive early intervention receive significantly improved outcomes.  For more information about autism, visit  the Autism Society’s website at http://www.autism-society.org/.

Families with autistic children are welcome to apply to the au pair program.  We often have au pair candidates who have experience caring for autistic children, and many who don’t have experience but are willing and anxious to work with your family.  There is no specific training required within the au pair program for au pairs to work with autistic children.  It is ultimately up to the host family and the au pair to decide if they would like to work together.  We have had many successful placements with families with children with all different types of special needs.  To review our pool of au pair candidates, potential host families should complete an application today!

Au Pairs Hit the Ice for Some Winter Time Fun

Ying, Amity, Sophie and Sophie take a moment to pose for a snapshot.

Wow!  I’m so behind on my writing, but I am trying to get caught up over the next few days so everyone can hear about all of the fun things we’ve been up to lately.

Our friend, Nemo, managed to shut down all of Boston the  entire weekend that followed the much-anticipated storm.  Luckily, Massachusetts was prepared and we all escaped unscathed.  Our planned au pair outing at Kendall Square’s Community Ice Skating in Cambridge, however, had to be cancelled.  And that’s too bad because we had a record number of au pairs and friends planning to attend this fun, inexpensive, outdoor winter activity.

As the Local Area Representative for Go Au Pair here in the Boston area, I love planning our monthly outings and au pair get togethers.  These monthly activities are an important part of an au pair’s introduction to Amerian culture and provide a great venue for me to get to know these young people and provide them with local support and helpful advice when they need it.

We rescheduled the activity for the following Saturday.  We had a great time, but, unfortunately, many of our au pair friends were unable to attend due to schedule conflicts.

We had some first-timers who had never ice skated before.  Ying, an au pair from China, started the morning off holding on to the railing. After I held her hand a few times around the rink, I eventually let go, and she was skating like a pro!  I love witnessing young people experiencing something new.  It is like watching your child take his first steps.  This is one of the reasons I love my “job”.  (If you can really call this a job?)

Of course, she did fall down a few times, but the important part was, she kept getting back up.

Marcela, Erika and Angeles taking a break.

Angeles, from Mexico and Lily from China, also learned to skate that day.  And then there were some showoffs, like Margaryta from Ukraine, who was practicing her skills ice skating backwards.  Good job, ladies.  I’m proud of you.  Here are some pictures from our fun outing.

Margaryta and Monica–BFF’s

Ying fell down, and she got right back up!

Should American Children Spend More Time in the Classroom?

Did you know that Massachusetts is one of five US states that is piloting a program which will add 300 classroom hours to the current school year? This idea is being tested in Fall River and Lawrence, MA.

Many educators believe that more time spent in the classroom will boost student achievement and make our children more competitive in the growing global market place.  Click here to read the article.

I was wondering what our host families and au pairs think of this?  Do you think children should spend more time in the classroom?  Why or why not?

This question is for the au pairs.  How does the current public school system here in Massachusetts (or your state) compare to the school system in your home country?

‘Tis the Season to Be Jolly?

Here are some good tips to help make sure your au pair’s holidays are happy.

Go Au Pair Boston

It’s hard to believe that it’s that time of year again!  Time flies when you’re raising kids.  Just a few weeks ago I was stressing out about making Nicky’s Halloween costume.  (And by make, I mean I made it happen!)   A few weeks before that, school had just started…and right before that it was summer? Ah…the lazy days of summer… 

Well, fast forward to present time and everyone is busy planning elaborate full-course dinners for family and friends and cocktail parties with co-workers.  There’s shopping for all of the delicious food and, of course, shopping for the gifts!  We can’t forget the gifts.  There are school plays and church recitals. And our homes and trees aren’t going to decorate themselves!  It’s no wonder we’re all stressed out around the holidays.  I’m getting stressed just reading this—and I wrote it. 

Well, if you are feeling stressed, just imagine how your au…

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