Our August Adventure—Day 1: Welcome to Camp Fun!

Two months ago, one of the au pairs in my cluster asked me if I would organize a camping activity.  “Hmmm…that might be fun,” I thought.  There are tons of great places to camp in New England.  I wanted to find a place within two hour’s drive where we could leave on a Saturday afternoon, set up camp Saturday night, and explore the area on Sunday.

Another au pair wanted to have a beach day.  So, I thought, “Why not combine these two activities?”  After researching different areas, I found a cute little family campground on Cape Cod that was willing to give us a sweet  “youth group” deal for $8/per person for the night.  (Shout out to Sippewisset Campground in Falmouth, MA.) I figured we could go to one of the many beautiful beaches on Sunday.

Getting ready for an experience of a lifetime!

A few weeks later, my kids went on a weekend camping trip with their Boy Scout Troop on Martha’s Vineyard.  They took the ferry out of Woods Hole.  They all brought their bikes to Martha’s Vineyard and biked around the island.  That’s when my wheels started spinning and I decided that’s what our au pair group could do on Sunday after camping.  We could take the ferry over to Martha’s Vineyard for the day and rent bikes there.  We could do it all!  Camping, beaching, exploring, shopping, biking….all in one fun-filled weekend.

So fast forward, two months later, and as we are making our final plans for our weekend trip, I find out that the Falmouth Road Race, which attracts over 40,000 spectators to the tiny Cape Cod town, happens to be on the same weekend as our camping trip.  And a few days later, I find out that President Obama and his family would be vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard that same week.

Falmouth Road Race + POTUS + Cape Cod Vacationers= 2 Hour Traffic Delay!

Add these two events together, and what do you get? A 3-hour traffic jam to Cape Cod. The 1 ½ hour drive took us over 3 hours.  But that’s okay.  We made the most out of it by having great conversation in the car.

We finally arrived at the campground and began our fun adventure.  I made the “roommate assignments”, and we began setting up our tents which had been borrowed from host families and friends.  This was not as painful as I thought it would be.  I was really impressed that the au pairs came prepared and knew how to set up their tents!

Setting up our tents was a breeze!

Putting up tents makes you hungry! It’s a good thing we had snacks.  After we ate our snacks, the au pairs wanted to walk to the beach.  There is a lovely 11.5 mile bike bath in Falmouth along the coast called the Shining Sea Bikeway.  It is a beautiful scenic trail that meanders along the coast through wood lands, salt marshes, ponds and seascape.  The campground is located on the Shining Sea Bikeway and has a  path with direct access to the bikeway.  The au pairs planned to walk to the beach along the scenic bike path.  (It’s about a 2 mile walk.)

Shining Sea Bikepath

Beautiful scenery along the Shining Sea Bikepath.

I stayed behind because I was still waiting for one of the au pairs to arrive.  After she arrived, we joined the others on the path to the beach.  We took a long walk, but decided to head back before we reached the beach.  If you are ever in the Falmouth area and are in the mood for a bike ride or just a relaxing scenic stroll, I highly recommend visiting the Shining Sea Bikeway.  It will take your breath away!

After everyone returned to the campsite, we ate dinner and decided to build a campfire. As it turns out, building the campfire was an adventure on its own.  No one could seem to get the fire to stay lit.  It was obvious that there were no Girl Scouts among us…until Angie from Panama and Chris from Brazil came to our rescue.  Who knew girls from tropical climates were good at building fires?

Roasting marshmallows by the campfire.

Gooey marshmallow + chocolate + graham crackers = delicious!

What’s a campfire without s’mores?  We roasted our marshmallows over the fire and then made the traditional camping dessert by smashing the gooey white stuff and a wedge of Hershey’s chocolate between two graham crackers!  The s’mores were a huge success.

Of course, when there’s a campfire, there must be campfire songs.  One of the au pairs suggested that they take turns singing songs from their country.  This part of the evening was very entertaining.  Some of the girls sang in groups while a few people actually sang solos.  I was pretty impressed with the singing talent among our group of au pairs!

Check it out:

After that, we decided to call it a night and go to bed.  (Or at least SOME of us tried to go to sleep, while others spent the next couple of hours singing and giggling.  I won’t mention names here. ) Everyone finally went to sleep after midnight, so of course, around 2 am, a baby started crying and didn’t stop for at least an hour. Just as I finally started to drift off around 5 am, a crow decided to feast on our trash (while crowing!).  Sleep?  Who needs sleep? Ah…the joys of camping.  To be continued…

Winding down after a fun-filled day and night.

Home Sweet Home? Advice for Dealing with “Reverse Culture Shock”

There are many resources for au pairs who have just arrived to the US, and are dealing with culture shock.  Culture shock is “the personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life due to immigrating or visiting a new country”.   Summer Blackhurst, Go Au Pair’s Public Relations expert, wrote a series of great articles on the subject recently, including “Culture Shock: The Four Phases”, and “Cultural Adjustment Outcomes“.  I highly recommend that all au pairs and their host families take a few minutes to read these articles as they contain some very intuitive information that may help a new au pair who may be experiencing culture shock as we speak.

But what about au pairs who are finishing up their placement year, or even their second year, and are getting ready to return home?  Surprisingly, they may be experiencing the same type of nervousness about returning to their home surroundings as they did when they first arrived to the US.  What was once familiar, is now foreign to them.

Dr. Lora Cook, founder of the au pair program “Learning to Live Your American Dream”, based out of National Louis University’s Chicago campus, talks about this fascinating issue in one of the sections of the popular program.   “Au pairs usually come to the US expecting to feel culture-shock, but they don’t always go home expecting to experience reverse culture shock,” Dr. Cook told me.  “We like to prepare students by helping them moderate their expectations when they return for either a visit or at the end of their au pair experience.”

Some of the challenges au pairs will face when they re-enter their home environment will be similar to the challenges they faced when they first arrived to the US.

Many au pairs may experience depression when dealing with reverse culture shock.

Believe it or not, language can sometimes be an issue.  When you are immersed in a language and have mastered that language, you start to dream and even think in that language.  If an au pair’s native tongue is not English, she may have a difficult time having a conversation when she returns home.  Finding the appropriate word for an object, for example, might take a few extra seconds because she may need to translate that word in her mind from English.  But, just like mastering English took time, with practice and exposure, those language skills will return.

Getting used to the food again back home may be challenging as well. For the past year, the au pair has become accustomed to American food, restaurants, and large mega-grocery stores.  Spices and available ingredients are probably different and may require getting used to again.  Big city conveniences may not be readily available in the au pair’s home country.  They may feel a sense of frustration by this.

The au pair might expect her relationship with her friends to be the same when she returns home, but may  be disappointed to learn that her friends have moved on.  Maybe they began studying at the university and have made new friends.   Some of her friends may have even gotten married or started a family. Although the au pair has made many new friends, they are probably 1,000’s of miles away in the US or another country.  The au pair has grown and changed as a person as well. She may not have the same interests as her friends.  Feelings of isolation and depression are not uncommon.

The au pair is probably excited about her year abroad and is very happy to tell all of her friends and family about her adventures here in the US.  To her disappointment, she may find that her friends aren’t really interested in hearing about her travels, and may even feel like she is “bragging”.  Feelings of rejection is another common problem for au pairs when they return home.

The Peace Corps, who sends around 4,000 volunteers each year abroad actually has a program to help prepare their volunteers for re-entry into American culture.  In an article published by CNN.com, Jodi Hammer, Coordinator for returned Peace Corps Volunteers, offers some great advice that au pairs should consider:

1.  Be prepared. One of the best ways to avert reverse culture shock is just simply acknowledging that it is real and expected.
2. Share your experiences (with caution). It’s okay to talk about your adventure, but find a way to do so in a way that does not sound pretentious. ( I read an article written by a woman who had spent a year in Thailand on a fellowship.  She has a very unique pair of earrings that she purchased at a local market.  When she wears them, people always ask her where she purchased them, and it gives her the opportunity to tell her story in an unobtrusive way.  )
3. Stay connected.  The internet is a marvelous thing!  It’s very easy for au pairs to stay connected to their international friends when they return home.  Communicating with other former au pairs who may be experiencing some of the same feelings is very helpful.
4. Accept that you’ve changed.  Dr. Cook also offers this advice and added that au pairs should “accept that some of your relationships may be different and you may not be as close to some people as you were before, but just like you developed many new relationships during your time in the US, you can do the same back at home.”

Dr. Cook added one final piece of advice for au pairs.  “Remember that time almost always makes things easier.  So be patient, and you will eventually find your new path back at home just as you did in the US!”

Looking Back…Reflections from A Former Au Pair

One of the great things that I enjoy about my “job” (I use this term loosely) as the Boston Local Area Representative at Go Au Pair is that I get the opportunity to get to know some amazing people from places in the world that I will probably never see.  I try to get to know each of the au pairs that I counsel, and I think I have learned something from each of them.  Like any good parent, I would never admit that any one of them is my favorite, but there have been a few who have really inspired me.

Yolandie Burger from South Africa certainly falls into that category.  Landie is definitely a unique person.  Prior to becoming an au pair, she was a park ranger in the “Bush”.   Landie has a great love and respect for children and animals.  She is a very smart, determined young woman with a fun but serious way about her.  When she spoke about her host children, she always had a smile on her face and a gleam in her eyes…even when she was telling stories about particular incidents where “her kids” displayed behavior that she  described as “naughty”.  She always spoke of them with love and tenderness.  Landie’s former host family is a lovely couple with three charming young girls and two dogs.  She was their au pair for a year and 1/2.

I thought it would be fun to check in with Landie and see how things were going and possibly get some advice from her that I could share with current au pairs or young people considering the au pair program.   I asked Landie what her favorite memory of life in the USA was, and she said, “Honestly every moment that I spent with my host family was memorable.”   Surely there must be something that stands out? I asked.  ” Okay, if I had to choose I would say our beach outings,”Landie admitted.   “Oh yes! New England was so beautiful and peaceful.   I loved it because it was right by the ocean.” Lucky Landie, her former host family lives in the quintessential seaside town of Duxbury, MA.

Au Pair Landie Enjoying Duxbury, MA

I also asked Landie if there was anything she would change about her experience, and she replied, “Oh boy!  I maybe wouldn’t be so strict (with rules), but other than that, I can’t say I would change a thing because everything that happened, it helped me to grow as a person and I had an unforgettable experience.”

I asked Landie what she is up to now, and how the au pair program has benefited her since she has returned home.  “You could say that the Au Pair program was just one more positive thing in my life that pushed me in the right career path”.  Landie is currently pursuing a 4 year degree in Elementary Education.  

I asked Landie if she is still in touch with her host family.  “I am definitely still in touch with my host family.  I send them birthday cards, emails, letters, and we communicate with Facebook and Skype.”  

Landie’s parting words of advice for current au pairs?  “To the other Au Pairs–experience things, be open minded, explore and don’t give up. Time goes by way too fast, so soak up every moment you have in the USA.  And be good to your host family because just as you can make a wonderful difference in their lives, so they can in yours!  And most of all…GO HAVE FUN!”

Tax Day Is Coming April 15! What Does That Mean To You?

It’s that time of year when I get bombarded with questions from au pairs and host families about their tax returns.  First of all, I just want to remind you that I am not an accountant.  And just as you wouldn’t ask me for medical advice because I’m not a doctor, please  understand that I am not an authority on taxes.

Now, that being said, I am happy to share my knowledge with you, based on my own research and experience as both a LAR and a previous host family. However, I want to caution you that tax laws are subject to change, so I will also show you where you can find the appropriate information on the IRS’s website which you may refer to for the latest, most authoritative answer.

Here are some of the common questions asked by host families and au pairs.

1.  Q: Are au pair wages subject to federal income taxes?  A: Yes, the IRS has determined that the au pair’s stipend is considered wages, and therefore subject to federal income taxes.

2. Q: Does the host family have to withhold federal income taxes and issue a form W-2 to their au pair?  A:  No.  Because the IRS considers the au pair stipend to be ” paid for a domestic service in a private home, they are not subject to mandatory tax withholding and reporting on form 941 and W-2.”  If both the au pair and host family agree to have taxes withheld from the au pair’s weekly stipend, then the host family could collect taxes up front and report them on form W-2.  (This is not common).

3. Q: Does the au pair have to pay estimated quarterly income taxes? A.  No.  Because it is unlikely that an au pair’s tax burden will be more than $1,000, he/she is not typically required to pay estimated quarterly taxes.

4. Q: What form should an au pair complete to file his/her taxes? A: Au pairs typically file form 1040NR-EZ.  (Download Directions.)

5. Q: If the host family doesn’t have to issue form W-2 to the au pair,   how does the au pair know what her  wages were?  A:  If the au pair has not kept a record of wages earned, it is easily calculated by taking the weekly stipend (typically $195.75/week) and multiplying that by the number of weeks the au pair worked in the US in 2012. Enter that amount on line 3 of form 1040NR-EZ.

6. Q: Will the au pair owe money? A:  That depends on when he/she arrived in the US.  Complete the form to determine if money is owed.  Submit the signed form whether money is owed or not.

7.  Q: What will happen to the au pair if he/she does not pay US income taxes? A.  It is my understanding that, if an au pair owes US taxes and does not pay them, it may affect his/her ability to obtain a visa to visit the US in the future.  If the au pair does obtain a visa and has an outstanding tax obligation, he/she may be required to pay the tax bill plus  penalties. (There could be other consequences that I am unaware of.)

8. Q: Are au pair wages subject to social security and medicare tax withholding?  A.  In most cases, au pair wages are not subject to social security and medicare tax withholding because of the au pair’s status as a J-1 nonimmigrant and nonresident alien.  If an au pair was in the US prior to becoming an au pair (other than as a tourist), he/she may be considered a resident alient, and might be subject to social security and medicare tax withholding.  This is very uncommon.  Check here if you think this might apply to you/your au pair: http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Alien-Liability-for-Social-Security-and-Medicare-Taxes-of-Foreign-Teachers,-Foreign-Researchers,-and-Other-Foreign-Professionals

9. Q: Is the fee paid by the host family to Go Au Pair deductible by the host family as a qualified childcare expense?  A.  In my experience, it typically is. (Caution: fees are typically deductible for the tax year that the services were received, not when the fees were paid.  For example, if you paid your fee in December, 2012, but the au pair did not arrive until January, 2013, the fee would be deductible on your 2013 taxes.  Consult a tax professional if you need clarification.)

10. Q: Is the weekly stipend paid to the au pair deductible by the host family as a qualified childcare expense? A.  In my experience, it typically is.  (Childcare expenses are usually deductible as long as childcare was provided while both host parents were at work or looking for work.)

These are the most common questions asked by au pairs and host families.  Please refer to the IRS website, or consult a tax professional before filing your taxes.

Here is a link to the page on the IRS website that explains most of this information:  http://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Au-Pairs.

If you would like to contact the IRS for telephone assistance, you can find the number here: http://www.irs.gov/uac/Telephone-Assistance.

Au Pairs Hit the Ice for Some Winter Time Fun

Ying, Amity, Sophie and Sophie take a moment to pose for a snapshot.

Wow!  I’m so behind on my writing, but I am trying to get caught up over the next few days so everyone can hear about all of the fun things we’ve been up to lately.

Our friend, Nemo, managed to shut down all of Boston the  entire weekend that followed the much-anticipated storm.  Luckily, Massachusetts was prepared and we all escaped unscathed.  Our planned au pair outing at Kendall Square’s Community Ice Skating in Cambridge, however, had to be cancelled.  And that’s too bad because we had a record number of au pairs and friends planning to attend this fun, inexpensive, outdoor winter activity.

As the Local Area Representative for Go Au Pair here in the Boston area, I love planning our monthly outings and au pair get togethers.  These monthly activities are an important part of an au pair’s introduction to Amerian culture and provide a great venue for me to get to know these young people and provide them with local support and helpful advice when they need it.

We rescheduled the activity for the following Saturday.  We had a great time, but, unfortunately, many of our au pair friends were unable to attend due to schedule conflicts.

We had some first-timers who had never ice skated before.  Ying, an au pair from China, started the morning off holding on to the railing. After I held her hand a few times around the rink, I eventually let go, and she was skating like a pro!  I love witnessing young people experiencing something new.  It is like watching your child take his first steps.  This is one of the reasons I love my “job”.  (If you can really call this a job?)

Of course, she did fall down a few times, but the important part was, she kept getting back up.

Marcela, Erika and Angeles taking a break.

Angeles, from Mexico and Lily from China, also learned to skate that day.  And then there were some showoffs, like Margaryta from Ukraine, who was practicing her skills ice skating backwards.  Good job, ladies.  I’m proud of you.  Here are some pictures from our fun outing.

Margaryta and Monica–BFF’s

Ying fell down, and she got right back up!

Avoiding Communication Problems

Recently, my 9-year-old son was playing outside with my neighbor’s 10-year-old nephew who was visiting from Cork, Ireland.  After a while, my son came into the house crying.  It seems he had gotten into an argument with the little boy and was quite upset.  I asked him what happened.  Apparently, they were “rough playing” as boys that age tend to do.  Some pine cones were thrown and then some words were exchanged.  “Well, what did he say?” I asked.  “He called me bald!” my son exclaimed.  (My son is currently sporting the David Cassidy-looking long hair.)

Trying to hold back the laughter, I questioned, “Why would he say that?  What happened?” 

“He made me mad so I threw a pine cone at him!” my son exclaimed.  “Then he said ‘You’re bald’,” he added.

“Are you sure he didn’t call you ‘bold’?” I questioned.

 “Well, maybe…” my son replied.

Obviously, this was a case of mistaken pronunciation.  But how many 9-year-old American children do you know who would use the word “bold” in that context?  My son would likely say something like, “You think you’re so tough!”

I thought that this was a great example of how a simple statement made by either a host family or an au pair could easily be misinterpreted.

When we first started searching for an au pair, I remember there was a question on the au pair’s application that said something like, “Have you ever lived away from home for an extensive period of time?”  And the au pair’s response, to my horror, was “Yes, I was in the assylum for 4 weeks.”  My first reaction was, “Oh my.  This young woman has some emotional or mental problems.” I wanted to dismiss her application right away.  But, after I thought about the context in which the question was asked, the nonchallant response, and the complexity of the English language which includes many words that have very similar meanings, I decided to give the au pair the opportunity to explain her answer.  As it turned out, she had spent a month in the hospital due to a childhood illness.  We did end up matching with the au pair, who is a lovely young woman with no mental issues. 

I remember another time, a very sweet au pair named Ella came to my house to visit my au pair.  I asked her how she was adjusting to her new family.  She very politely responded, ” Oh they are very wonderful to me.  When I was sick they gave me a pillow to eat.”  I really did not know how to respond to this piece of information.  Upon further investigation, I discovered that what really happened was that they had given her a pill (Advil) to take when she had a fever. 

The CEO of a company that I used to work for is from New Zealand.  During a sales conference, he was talking about how we needed to show our customers that we care about them and suggested that we should “piss in their pockets.”   I looked around the conference room and saw a room full of dropped jaws. (“Oh, good.  It’s not just me.” I thought.)  Apparently, that is something a New Zealander might say when he intends to wine and dine or generally “suck up” to a client. 

These are obviously silly examples.  But they are all true.  And I guess the main point that should be taken from this is that we need to keep in mind that we are from different cultures and speak different languages where words might have a similar meaning or sound similar but have a very different meaning. We really need to be extra careful when talking to each other, avoid using slang phrases,  and be sure to speak up right away if something is said that doesn’t make sense, or seems offensive or hurtful.  Many times, after further discussion, we find that what we heard was not what was said after all.